A week has passed since Grandma left us forever. That's God's plan & we have to move on with our life. Go, reach the world & do good deed for He says, "what you do to My people, you do it for Me". Still, it is so hard to believe that's she's gone. The final night she struggled, the looks on my dad's & grandpa's face when we received the news from hospital & grandpa's reaction when I led him to her bed keeps flashing in my mind. I tried so hard (yes, I did trust me it hurt so much) to be strong even when I saw my brother's watery eyes, 'cause dad's heart would break if he sees me crying. And I managed to do it.
Just after I finished my lunch, mom called telling me that grandma was in QEH. After work, mom called me again telling, " the doctor said the family should be here by now". Damn that was the last thing I wanted to hear on earth, as if hurry up, or we'll miss the bus. I went home with mixed feeling, whether to wait for mom, dad & brother from Keningau - or - go to QEH first. I decided to wait for them.
At 10 p.m we went to QEH where everybody else was already there. I almost fell on my knees when I saw grandma's condition. With tubes here & there, she was in comma. All of a sudden I felt guilt & remorse that no one in this world can ever imagine. After 10 years, it was such a pain I have to bear for the rest of my life to have seen her like that & not able to talk to her. All I hoped was just she knew I was there. I whispered my last words in her ear (somehow I knew it would be the last time I see her).
We went back home around 12 a.m. & get something to eat. Around 1.++ a.m eldest aunt called from hospital informing that she's left us in one long breathe. God be with you. I saw dad cried, & grandpa resumed to finish his food. Moment of silence & reflection. I ran to my room with tears running down my cheek & called hubby to cancel his tour. Next thing I remember was back to QEH to settle some family matters & get some rest at 4 a.m before heading back to Kiulu, where grandma will be placed.
Just after I finished my lunch, mom called telling me that grandma was in QEH. After work, mom called me again telling, " the doctor said the family should be here by now". Damn that was the last thing I wanted to hear on earth, as if hurry up, or we'll miss the bus. I went home with mixed feeling, whether to wait for mom, dad & brother from Keningau - or - go to QEH first. I decided to wait for them.
At 10 p.m we went to QEH where everybody else was already there. I almost fell on my knees when I saw grandma's condition. With tubes here & there, she was in comma. All of a sudden I felt guilt & remorse that no one in this world can ever imagine. After 10 years, it was such a pain I have to bear for the rest of my life to have seen her like that & not able to talk to her. All I hoped was just she knew I was there. I whispered my last words in her ear (somehow I knew it would be the last time I see her).
"Grandma, here I am. Thanks for everything, & thanks for waiting. I am so sorry I didn't see you often. I am so sorry I didn't know how to speak our mother tongue & I am so sorry I didn't get the chance to see you while I still had the chance. Dear God I ask from You, whatever will be, please be with her, especially when she needs You the most. God help us through this."
We went back home around 12 a.m. & get something to eat. Around 1.++ a.m eldest aunt called from hospital informing that she's left us in one long breathe. God be with you. I saw dad cried, & grandpa resumed to finish his food. Moment of silence & reflection. I ran to my room with tears running down my cheek & called hubby to cancel his tour. Next thing I remember was back to QEH to settle some family matters & get some rest at 4 a.m before heading back to Kiulu, where grandma will be placed.
SUDDENLY, IT FEELS SO DIFFERENT, SO EMPTY NOW. AND I MISS HER SO MUCH. REST IN PEACE O BELOVED GRANDMA.
FROM ALL OF US.
FROM ALL OF US.
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