Letter to our child..

Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be. ~Carrie Fisher~

Dear baby, 

Tomorrow you will be 23 weeks old. According to experts you are as big as a large mango, but we have no idea how large is a large mango. You are starting to occupy the limited room in mommy's womb. It is weird to feel you move inside me but mommy enjoys the all the moments and the bonds we have. You sure are an active boy/ girl, your playful kicks and punches make me laugh sometimes. Few more months of waiting. We just can't wait to hold you but mommy doesn't want this moment to pass so fast. Be healthy our little angel. God be with you.

From Mom & Dad.

The day her status changed

It was a memorable Merdeka day this year coz it marked the knot been tied for Munikah (my sis-in-law) & her husband. CONGRATULATIONS!

Happy to see her finally found the love of her life & wish her all the happiness the world has to offer. The ceremony went as planned despite heavy downpour, misty & cold evening. Well, the weather was expected to be rainy & misty anyway. That is why it is called 'village at the foot of the mountain'. As the mist blanketed the valley we saw some of the bridegroom's representatives put their hands in pockets, rub the hands frequently & put on sweaters to keep themselves warm. I found it funny coz I used to do that when I first came to Kiau & Japp's family might have looked at me the way I observed the people.

I told Japp he can drink as much as he wanted with a condition. "If you can't take it anymore, stop & take a rest". Over the years I'm still getting used to his habit though he is not a heavy drinker. You might say let him be but you won't say that if you have given your heart to a person & hope that he will take care of it. OK, leave that drinking issue no big deal as long as we know our limit.

Munikah is the 5th in the sibling line after my fiance. When I was first told about her, it was a totally different impression. Hubby said she is the most fussy of all. (Lord help me if she reads this huhu) Wow that was an understatement. When I get to know her, I can say that she is an independent lady yet she gives the highest priority to the family more than anything. That is how I describe her. Thus on her big day I am not afraid to admit that I did have tears in my eyes to share her happiness. Below are some of the photos.

Do I have to be pregnant to quit my job??

Boss: Tell me when will you start your new job?

Me: I do not plan to start a new job, yet.

Boss: Then why are you leaving? Getting married?

Me: Nope.

Boss: You pregnant already ka?

Nonsense. I was flabbergasted & I could feel my face turned red to that question. I hate to answer all questions relating to my quitting because I have so many answers & I don't know which one should I announce first. Since the first day I handed in my resignation letter the superiors didn't seem to give up asking me questions. I just hate to list down all my reasons so that they will eventually give up. Whatever, I don't bother to satisfy them. They can just ask my colleague after I am gone.

Now that I am few days away to my last day of employment, I need to get this job done. I mean really done though I still need to drop a visit to train my replacement. The company haven't found a suitable candidiate to date so here I am still struggling to update accounts for 6 companies plus sub-contractor. Oouhhh.. This job is really tiring that I reach home with migrain attack almost everyday. Few days more & I am officially a 'grape businesswoman' i.e. taukeh anggur.

Hubby: can you do me a favour?

Me:  sure. what do you want me to do?

Hubby: Please watch Liverpool vs Arsenal this Sunday & tell me the result.

Me: *speechless & confused*

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Dear hubby,

I know how much you regret the fact that you are in the middle of the jungle having fun / adventure with your UK families. But didn't I make it clear that I only watch World Cup & World Cup only? Watching football game where I don't even know the players is torturing me. Well, maybe I do know some of them but they are not in Germany team. That's the clear reason.

I mean you can just ask for the result bah.. You always do that. And I will gladly search on the Internet for the answer whether your team wins or loses I will still give you the result. I promise. I don't want to miss this Sunday Smallville episode. Please.. OK, I will watch the second half OK. Mm.. that sounds fair, only if I don't fall asleep on the couch & waking up with neck pain. Whatever happens, you will get the result the next day. Hehehehe...

Happy river-cruising and happy guiding dear.

Craving for food @ 04.00 am

Read the title out loud. Enough indication that I need to lose some weight. My clothes don't fit me perfectly anymore. Such a waste of money invested in a wardrobe of Nicole & Voir. I always love these two brands especially the dresses. Formal & elegant yet still decent for the eyes. Some of my clothes have been passed down. Ouch! I hate the feeling that I won't be able to wear them because I'm getting FAT. I am now almost 10kg heavier than I used to be back in Uni years. Isn't it obvious?

OK. Back to the title, in case I drifted. I am not on my bed earlier than the earliest bird because the stomach wants attention. Many attentions. 1st, I have a tub of ice-cream & orange juice which never run out of stock in my fridge. Then, I have a plate of warmed rice, soup & bambangan pickles while watching Supernatural (which I already watched like hundred times). What else can I do? I am all alone; no one to talk to except some silly one-sided conversations with the cats. Meow meow.. The idea of dialing fiance's number crosses my mind but hey, it's 4 am. So not appropriate. Please lah.. Oh, my weight issue -  it's not that I don't care. I do actually but I just don't have any leisure time to think about it. Frankly speaking, I am a lazy person. Example, I am lazy enough that I let my TV turned on until I wake up for work.  I rather eat instant noodle than cooking. Are you kidding me? There are a lot of important matters I am compelled to think of & reducing weight doesn't rank high in my list, yet. 

Recently, a purposely provocative statement from my cousin makes me shiver from the spine. "Imagining yourself in a wedding gown can be a nightmare". Nightmare! Nightmare! Nightmare! I imagine sound effects, like echoes we hear in a cave. Damnation. Stress. End of the world. Why on earth I feel so terribly bad??? Fiance never complains so far, still my confidence level declines whenever we get together. OMG, I will go nuts. Maybe I think too much. Right click, memory deleted. Huarghh... Time to resume my disturbed sleep. To be continued..

Passion = Numbers

Ugh.. I don't feel like blogging right now. I am bored with my job, though I love numbers so much that you will bet I can get the right answer from my calculator with my eyes closed. Yeah numbers is my obsession since I knew how to count. So is 4D hahaha.. Some students in my university used to call me 'budak Sabah yg pandai Math' just because my team won the inter faculty Math games. I like challenging myself by solving a Math problem without using aid. Kinda satisfying. I am crapping & angkat bakul masuk sendiri. Or is it masuk bakul angkat sendiri??

But when it comes to managing my own finance, it gives me a 24-hours headache. My weakness is I tend to think of all the risk/return assessment methods I learned to make just one simple decision. The conclusion is, click the "IGNORE ALL" button like digging my own grave. How? When? Why? Where? Can? Cannot? What if? These questions never leave me alone. They followed me even to my dream. Luckily a dream about 4930 made me RM200 richer recently. Yup.. starter prize at TOTO 4D miahahaha!! See.. I am a number expert. Oh no there I go crapping again.

Recently, I helped Japp unloading our pineapples which weighed over 1,000 kg & I miscounted 100 kg. Oh gosh.. I felt my stomach hardened. His look was 'macam mana ko kira oh?'. Die die die la ni. Without even trying to re-calculate all over again, I foolishly said, 'I pay you la'. His look was killing me. Takut kena marah ba ni.. To cut the story short, we solved the problem.




 



This was last Sunday @ Pekan Nabalu. Sikit ja ni, 258 kg in total. Only 1/5 from the normal supply but since Sunday is rest day, we just picked from our own kebun. Syok oo.. Our own money. Not just hujung bulan dapat gaji hehe.. Okie end of story. Time to get busy with my boring job again.

P/S : anybody knows any fruit supplier ka? I need a new market as I am targeting to capture some market share at Penampang area.

Another bad day : kitten died - tragic accident

I can't stop blaming myself for her death. She died because of me, because I gave her away. If I refused, she wouldn't be hit a car & breathed her last. I should have waited til hubby found a proper cage to keep her in.

I recalled putting her into the box, when she fought, I took her into my arms & soothed her. It worked, she fell asleep fast. I knew she trusted me with her life but I decided to let her go. After all, hubby's nephew was the next kitten-sitter-to-be Yea, I know I made a wrong decision that cost her life & my whole life regret. I felt so sad, so very sad. Things I remembered about her on her last day:-

1) The look on her eyes: when she gave me a long indescribable stare from the not so comfy box. (I guess she wanted to say, why?)

2) Four claw marks on my right thumb: when she tried to reach out for me from the box-hole I made earlier. (I wish these marks won't heal though it hurts, to remind me not to forget her)

3) I said to her (now this sounds crazy), "we'll meet soon. I'll be around to see you grow up". Hubby's nephew smiled when he saw me shedding my tears while saying goodbye.

4) I dreamed of her during my noon nap, after hubby told me she managed to escape from the box. In my dream, she was lying down playing with my fingers when suddenly she had breathing difficulty. I rolled her over few times to ensure she's OK. (oh what a sign...)

I received a wake up call. It's hubby with his terrible news. I cried my heart out & just shook my head. He said sorry but what's the point. my kitten won't come back. I'm not mad at him, it's just.. I wish that I didn't let her go. I can't imagine the pain she felt during her final breath, I hope she didn't feel any pain. You see, I have this belief that when our pets die, they go to Heaven & God will take care for them. That's the way I sooth myself.